


Buried Me Awake

by audumbs



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post Blight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-10 01:04:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18649768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/audumbs/pseuds/audumbs
Summary: But I know better as my eyes adjust, you've been gone for quite awhile now.





	Buried Me Awake

Alistair dreams of being haunted now. Where magical trips up the coast with his friends or delicious feasts used to take up his unconscious, now it is mostly regret. She comes to him and she has not aged at all, her skin dewey and dirty from battle, blood splatters long dried and crusty--they look almost like part of her skin, like freckles that never were. Her face still framed by the silver tattoos and and waves of copper hair.

 

"How could you let me die, Alistair?" her ghost says to him, she does not appear ghostly but even in his dreams he does not grant himself the relief of thinking she is alive, he does not deserve it. "You were the senior Grey Warden. You are king. Why did you let me die?"

 

He never answers her, just lets her speak. Even though it’s his dream, He thinks she probably has a lot to get off her chest and can’t bring himself to create a defense. He cannot simply claim himself plaintiff to her accusations.  _ You were the one that told me to stay back, it was your decision, I told you I wanted to go.  _ But still, she’s right. It should have been him. It will always be that way, his life is a gift he did not earn.

 

She's always crying, too. He almost left that out. "It should’ve been you." He moves a step closer but she is still just as far. He aches to touch her again, to give her any comfort he can.

 

(in his sleep his hand twitches and he rolls over away from Anora.)

 

He settles for words. Only ever words. "It should've, you're right. I wish it was me. I wish you were here instead." Her faces twists and blurs out and returns, still wet with tears. She is never satisfied with this.

 

"I loved you. I died for you. And the last words you said to me--"

 

"Stop. Please." Alistair steps closer and actually steps closer. "I know what they were. They've been mine to regret."

 

"Did you love me still, then? Did you ever truly love me?"

 

His heart burned for a moment. Of course he loved her on that day, of course he’s loved her every day after. So much so that he dreams of her screaming and crying just for the chance to see her again. (and these dreams are more distressing than any of the Archdemon ever has been.) He loves her so much so that he can't help but be halted by the mention of her name, the sight of her statue-- he is drawn useless, his thoughts only hers. "Demeter. Please don’t be cruel."

 

He feels tired even in sleep, the dream not restful, never having been.

 

"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes." Demeter says, but her mouth doesn't move. It's her voice though, but far off. Or not far off but not direct. "I don't look as good crying. You should consider remembering me naked instead."

 

This is not the usual part of the dream so he doesn’t know the script. "I-"

 

"Can you make her leave? I prefer it when it’s just the two of us. Also, turn around already." Alistair, as always, did what she said. And there she was-- Not crying, dewey skin and doe eyed, smiling slightly at the sight of him. "Oh. That’s much better."

 

Alistair was dumbfounded. Alistair was relieved. Alistair was still only dreaming. Before he could say another word her hand rose to silence him.

 

"Listen to me: I would've done it again. I would've done it every time there was a choice. The world needs you and the world shouldn't have to be without you-- trust me, it's not fun, as I have so discovered. If there was anything to forgive, it’s forgiven, I was never angry at you." She touched his face in the way she did and he felt the strain in his heart loosen. It felt like Demeter, a feeling he had not realized he had forgotten over the years. "You did what you had to do, you left me because you’re a good man. I would never hate you for that." Up close he noticed a golden glow coming from beyond her skin, like she was made of the stuff, forged from it. Alistair was never as observant as he should have been. He never noticed how warm her skin could look, even with the silver valleslin lacing across it. He wants to remember her like this. If he was asking, he would want to remember her alive, but he's learned to take what he gets. "Watch over our friends. And my family. And goblin." She traced over his skin lightly, rubbed a spot near his eyes. "You should find a good salve, you're getting worry lines."

 

And then she was gone. He turned around to see if the other ghost still haunted him.

 

But he was alone again.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading!!


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